To Show That I did MY homework.

http://freemalaysiatoday.com/english/?p=5210

seemed like I'm not the only one huh?

Bout the Malaysia Boleh thing. I assure you I did not copy. I just read bout it TODAY. But that's what all bloggers claim right?

I swore to myself that I WILL never post anything football-related. However, the recent Mark Hughes shit got me so pissed, I think I will touch football. A teeny weeny bit. Mark Hughes got sacked a few days back. Personally, I felt he had it coming. Why? Look at Everton. They spend minimal amount of money every season. Yet, they managed to stay fifth for two seasons now. Many managers got the shock of their lives when they heard. Honestly, what do you expect if you spend 120 million and just won 7 out of 17? The owners did not hire the best of candidates too. Roberto Mancini's 3 Italian Serie A titles came in charitable situations. The first came when AC Milan and Juventus got involved in the match-fixing scandal. The second one came after Juventus is relegated to the second division and Milan started the season with negative points.

You might argue that the third one was merited. But is the Italian Serie A as strong as before the scandal?

Okayyy. Let's just skip away from the boring world of football and into the interesting world of interconnected net. In short, the internet. =D I made it up. LOL

You know, I was soo soo bored I decided to go to Yahoo answers and guess what! I looked up cock and I found out that the "double barrel" Eddy showed me yesterday was actually real. Look it up. This guy really had TWO COCKS! Jealous sial. I didnt know siamese twins can turn out this way. Porn really is exploiting everything. In case you're curious, this is how it looked like.

Except it's down there. One on top of the other.

I wonder where the pubes gonna grow. What if it grew in between the two cocks? Itchy ah?

Hmmmm. The questions remain. Unless someone is willing to sponsor me to interview that idiot.

=DD Who would wanna fuck someone with two cocks without getting paid?

The Behaviours That ONLY Malaysians Can Exhibit. =D

I tried not to give any comments that might. Just MIGHT land me in friggin ISA. But last night, I saw the news and can't stop saying, "Malaysia Boleh" to myself. Why? Let me enlighten you. A jet engine worth RM 50 million got stolen. A fucking big WOW! I understand lah if the engine small like the tamiya car liddat. Fucker. This one jet engine lah bro. Explain lah. We are taxpayers know. What puzzles me is, how can the engine go missing two years ago and investigations start this year. Why not wait a few more weeks? Genap genap 3 tahun mah. More flavour. Bloody hell. It went missing in 2007. 50million bucks weyh. You think DROP FROM SKY AH? Our parent's sweat and tears lah.

What to do? "MALAYSIA BOLEH" mah. Tell you what. If they jail someone, I will not stuff roti canai. EVER. Damn, don't think bout jail. The fella responsible should be sentenced to death. RM 50million lah bitch.

And exclusively in Malaysia, you get the chance to fuck a hot model. Then, when you got bored of her, we've got experienced bomber to assist you in "getting rid" of her. *whispers* "blow her up". Shusssh. Surely all of you know what am I talking bout right? This model I'm talking about was so hot, you get multiple boners just by looking at her. WITH CLOTHES ON! When she died, she was hot tooo. =D Best of all, YOU WILL NOT GET CAUGHT! HOWZAT?

ONLY IN MALAYSIA, we form a F1 team. Let someone who has no experience whatsoever in leading a line let alone lead the entire F1 team lead the team. Amazing huh?

Here I've collected the few reasons why this team will not be successful:

1) The driver will be Malaysian.

Why won't this work?

Everytime there's an accident, instead of speeding up the driver slows down. Why? WHY? If you ask me why, you surely never traveled on a Malaysian highway before. =D

2) The pit crew will be entirely made up of Malaysians.

Why won't this work?

Let's just say this. They already stole a JET ENGINE. Let them in the F1 pit, God knows what they'll steal.

3) There's only place for 2 drivers only.

Why won't this work?

Come on lah bradder. 1Malaysia mah. Chinese, Indian, Malay all must drive. If not, RACIAL DISCRIMINATION! LOL

4) The one that leads the team is friggin Airasia's director or some shit.

Why won't this work?

F1 car can't fly in case you didn't notice. =]

5) They're not even considering Alex Yoong.

Why this will backfire?

Alex Yoong is the one and only Malaysian who had experience in the F1 field. Not considering him is one suicidal move. If he taknak also, persuade kaw kaw lah. Malaysia Boleh mah.

Part two of the previous post will resume as soon as my book get home =]

Thank you for your cooperation..

Why People Watch Porno ( Part One )

To most ladies, it has been a teenage-long mystery. I would like to start off my enlightening you about porno. Firstly, there's two general types of porno. To find out which type you should watch, there's a simple test. Simply reach into your pants or whatever it is you wear. Rub it. If it gets hard, you are eligible to watch the most common kind of porno; Porno for men. If it gets wet, well. You qualify to watch the female porno.

I will now elaborate on the male porno. The male porno as you can guess cater for male viewers. This type of porno usually do not focus on the guy. And if you're watching Japanese porno, you almost certainly will see the girl lying down and the guy cumming in her face. Trust the Japanese to patent their porn. This kind of video focuses on male pleasure ONLY as guys are selfish beings. We care for our own comfort more than any other things in the world. The videos that fall in this category usually have minimal videotime for the guy. Which guy will masturbate by looking at another male? None. Unlesss....

The female porn however, focuses on both parties. This is because in order for women to climax, they require emotional stimulation as well as physical ones. Thus, in the videos that fall in this category, both parties get satisfied or at least they pretend and there will be maximum contact. Don't ask me why. I'll get back on that ASAP. Or you can always take the easy route. Ask your local "cetak rompak dealer". I doubt he understands.

Now, the reason why people watch porno is... Three possibilities. One, they get no action at all and like to imagine themselves in the position of the dude. Two, they get action but not enough. Three, they're researching for new styles. Now that explains why you seldom get to see the dude's face right?

... to be continued

The Past Few Months.

Hello Imaginary friend. Long time no see. =D

I'm so fuckin bored right now so I thought, " What the hell, just update your dusty blog."

So here I am, typing to you, my imaginary reader.

Okay whether you like it or not, Imma tell you what I did this last 3 months.

Here's a quick synopsis.

I started hating TNB

Someone redecorated the school

I went to Hong Kong

I missed Paeriaes's party

I'm half dead BORED

Let's start this post by talking bout dumbass TNB.

In case you don't have any clue bout what I'm talking bout, here's the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAHQGvFqcSE

I'm gonna put this guy's picture at my altar and start praying to him. Bloody hell, he should meet Jackass.

I'm sure they'll bond. Problem is, Namewee can't speak English. =[

Next stop, my beloved ex-school's form 3 block. =D

If you didn't know by now, some random stranger came over in the middle of SPM examination to conveniently redecorate the school. Btw, if you want this random stranger to errr, decorate your house, do not hesitate to email him. Here it is, patty_efc@hotmail.com

Here's some sample.

I'm sure I can do better than this idiot.

Email me instead. There, patty_efc@hotmail.com

Now, the Hong Kong-Shenzhen-Macau trip.

There's a few firsts here.

For the first time, I took more than 5 shits a day.

For the first time, I used TOILET paper to wipe my mouth. During breakfast! Efff

For the first time, I couldn't laugh at retards.

And now, I found another smelly country. CHINA!

Stupeed one. So many citizen, all don't know where to piss. Bastards.

Once we cross the border, can smell dried pee.

So, if any of you plan to visit China, PLEASE BRING LOTS AND LOTS OF DEODORANT. The smell might linger.

And and and, I saw CATFIGHT! One chinese chick, quite hot ran towards this uglay chinese chick. Wait, what am I talking? I'm in freaking China! Of course they're Chinese. So this chick ran to the uglay chick, started shouting something in Mandarin so quickly I thought she was speaking bangla. Someone had to pull the uglay chick away coz in my opinion, she wanted to sit on the hot chick.

Out of the blue, a freaking old lady walked into the middle of the fight and just stood there. STOOD THERE. Dumbass, the uglay chick heavy k. Move lah.

Imagine the contrast. Hong Kong, one of the cleanest place I've ever visited. The I went to China. The total opposite.

Damn lah. In Macau, we visited the Venetian hotel. Shit man. I think if Joan went ah, she'll go crazy. All the branded shits are there. Tengok pun boleh pokai lah.

Then then, Paeriaes decided to throw a party on Monday. I missed it. =[ Like shit lah. From all the pictures I saw, looked pretty awesome. But as Robert Langdon always say to his students, "Google is not research". You can't believe what you see. So I comforted myself my thinking they might, just might be posing those awesome shits.

And I wore the southpark shirt! =DDD

In case you're wondering, that's my bro's middle finger. XD

I would like to end this post by presenting you with the ancient saying:

"TNB LANCIAU!"