A Couple of Foolproof Methods to Meet Ghosts =D

Method numero uno:- The “Kick a Dog in the Nuts” Method.

Kick a dog in the nuts till you see tears in the eyes. Take them tears and rub them in you own eyes. Not sure whether this method is reversible. Worth a try though.

Method number two:- The Black Chicken Method

Wank and rub your own semen on your eyes.

Pick a new grave, younger than a 100 days old. Prepare a black chicken, a bamboo. Go at midnight and slay the black chicken. Collect the blood of the blackass chicken and push the bamboo deep into the grave. Pour the blood into the bamboo and now, you can ask for 4D numbers from the soul. Well, unless he’s pissed off. Oh, the person buried must also die in an accident. This method will not work if the person die of natural causes.

Method Nombor Tiga :-The Bloody Mary

This method only applies for ladies. Have a glass of bloody mary and head towards the washroom. Prepare a pair of candles and a lighter. When inside the washroom, make sure the washroom is empty before attempting this. Light the candles and place them between you and the mirror. Call out for Bloody Mary three times while looking at the mirror. If this works, you’ll most probably die. Maybe saying the "Hail Mary" might help. I dunno, I'm a dude.

Method number four :- The Peeling an apple in front of the mirror Method

Myth has it that once you perform this, you will be able to see your future spouse. However, if the skin of the apple falls off while peeling, you will see the ugliest face you will ever see in your life. So I suggest you practice peeling them apples with a knife. The skin of the apple must be peeled at one go. So once you think you’re good enough, sit in front of a mirror, place a pair of lighted candles between you and the mirror. Start peeling. Once you finished peeling and the apple skin is in one piece, pray your future spouse is hot.

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There’s a few more methods lah. I abit malas to type today. Btw, all this, from my own knowledge. Kembang sioottt. That's all for now. Chiaooo

P.S: Do read the disclaimer on top of the blog.

The Crap That Hit Our Country

Honestly, I dont get the shit that's hit us these few weeks.

First, a jet engine go missing.

Then, the Allah issue.

What. The. Fuck?

Is this Allah issue really that important that it overshadowed a missing RM50mil jet engine? Is it worth burning churches for? You guys are so sensitive Lah. You see Hindhus buzzing about you guys when you use their God's name? NO! They're too busy drinking. You see Buddhists fucking around when you use their God's name? No!

Why the fuck is this such a big issue in the first place? The media is such a bitch. Bet the military paid them to bring up another issue so that no one notices the Fuckface General and some of his ButtBuddies got asked to leave the service. Not only that, they got their pensions as well. WOW! I'd love to steal some jet engines too. Fuckers.

If I were to end this post with a bang and get arrested, I'll say Salam 1FuckingMalaysia.

But I don't want to get anally-probed. So, goodbye.

New Year's Day of '10

Most people will normally start their year by setting a few "to-dos" for that year. Basically, it's things like, "study hard", "lose my virginity", "lose a couple of pounds", etc.

Here's mine.

1) Meet Eric Theodore Cartman.

2) Meet the one that killed Altantuya and fucking get a bear to sodomize that bitch.

3) Blow up a thrashcan.

4) Prank call the police at least once.

5) Get an average GPA score of 3.5 in college.

6) Slap the fuck out of Noorsiah, Kamariah for not using Botox

7) Let LOOSE!

I think right.. only the first two seemed so damn undoable. The rest is quite beyond reach. So, stay put. By 2011, you'll get to see the other 5 in the comfort of your own computers. =D

Maybe Jackass will see the videos and let me in. *fingers crossed*

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*This section is only for the jobless out there!*

Click your pick.

Jackass

Southpark

Porn

Repaint your wall fellas. *winks* LOL

To Show That I did MY homework.

http://freemalaysiatoday.com/english/?p=5210

seemed like I'm not the only one huh?

Bout the Malaysia Boleh thing. I assure you I did not copy. I just read bout it TODAY. But that's what all bloggers claim right?

I swore to myself that I WILL never post anything football-related. However, the recent Mark Hughes shit got me so pissed, I think I will touch football. A teeny weeny bit. Mark Hughes got sacked a few days back. Personally, I felt he had it coming. Why? Look at Everton. They spend minimal amount of money every season. Yet, they managed to stay fifth for two seasons now. Many managers got the shock of their lives when they heard. Honestly, what do you expect if you spend 120 million and just won 7 out of 17? The owners did not hire the best of candidates too. Roberto Mancini's 3 Italian Serie A titles came in charitable situations. The first came when AC Milan and Juventus got involved in the match-fixing scandal. The second one came after Juventus is relegated to the second division and Milan started the season with negative points.

You might argue that the third one was merited. But is the Italian Serie A as strong as before the scandal?

Okayyy. Let's just skip away from the boring world of football and into the interesting world of interconnected net. In short, the internet. =D I made it up. LOL

You know, I was soo soo bored I decided to go to Yahoo answers and guess what! I looked up cock and I found out that the "double barrel" Eddy showed me yesterday was actually real. Look it up. This guy really had TWO COCKS! Jealous sial. I didnt know siamese twins can turn out this way. Porn really is exploiting everything. In case you're curious, this is how it looked like.

Except it's down there. One on top of the other.

I wonder where the pubes gonna grow. What if it grew in between the two cocks? Itchy ah?

Hmmmm. The questions remain. Unless someone is willing to sponsor me to interview that idiot.

=DD Who would wanna fuck someone with two cocks without getting paid?

The Behaviours That ONLY Malaysians Can Exhibit. =D

I tried not to give any comments that might. Just MIGHT land me in friggin ISA. But last night, I saw the news and can't stop saying, "Malaysia Boleh" to myself. Why? Let me enlighten you. A jet engine worth RM 50 million got stolen. A fucking big WOW! I understand lah if the engine small like the tamiya car liddat. Fucker. This one jet engine lah bro. Explain lah. We are taxpayers know. What puzzles me is, how can the engine go missing two years ago and investigations start this year. Why not wait a few more weeks? Genap genap 3 tahun mah. More flavour. Bloody hell. It went missing in 2007. 50million bucks weyh. You think DROP FROM SKY AH? Our parent's sweat and tears lah.

What to do? "MALAYSIA BOLEH" mah. Tell you what. If they jail someone, I will not stuff roti canai. EVER. Damn, don't think bout jail. The fella responsible should be sentenced to death. RM 50million lah bitch.

And exclusively in Malaysia, you get the chance to fuck a hot model. Then, when you got bored of her, we've got experienced bomber to assist you in "getting rid" of her. *whispers* "blow her up". Shusssh. Surely all of you know what am I talking bout right? This model I'm talking about was so hot, you get multiple boners just by looking at her. WITH CLOTHES ON! When she died, she was hot tooo. =D Best of all, YOU WILL NOT GET CAUGHT! HOWZAT?

ONLY IN MALAYSIA, we form a F1 team. Let someone who has no experience whatsoever in leading a line let alone lead the entire F1 team lead the team. Amazing huh?

Here I've collected the few reasons why this team will not be successful:

1) The driver will be Malaysian.

Why won't this work?

Everytime there's an accident, instead of speeding up the driver slows down. Why? WHY? If you ask me why, you surely never traveled on a Malaysian highway before. =D

2) The pit crew will be entirely made up of Malaysians.

Why won't this work?

Let's just say this. They already stole a JET ENGINE. Let them in the F1 pit, God knows what they'll steal.

3) There's only place for 2 drivers only.

Why won't this work?

Come on lah bradder. 1Malaysia mah. Chinese, Indian, Malay all must drive. If not, RACIAL DISCRIMINATION! LOL

4) The one that leads the team is friggin Airasia's director or some shit.

Why won't this work?

F1 car can't fly in case you didn't notice. =]

5) They're not even considering Alex Yoong.

Why this will backfire?

Alex Yoong is the one and only Malaysian who had experience in the F1 field. Not considering him is one suicidal move. If he taknak also, persuade kaw kaw lah. Malaysia Boleh mah.

Part two of the previous post will resume as soon as my book get home =]

Thank you for your cooperation..

Why People Watch Porno ( Part One )

To most ladies, it has been a teenage-long mystery. I would like to start off my enlightening you about porno. Firstly, there's two general types of porno. To find out which type you should watch, there's a simple test. Simply reach into your pants or whatever it is you wear. Rub it. If it gets hard, you are eligible to watch the most common kind of porno; Porno for men. If it gets wet, well. You qualify to watch the female porno.

I will now elaborate on the male porno. The male porno as you can guess cater for male viewers. This type of porno usually do not focus on the guy. And if you're watching Japanese porno, you almost certainly will see the girl lying down and the guy cumming in her face. Trust the Japanese to patent their porn. This kind of video focuses on male pleasure ONLY as guys are selfish beings. We care for our own comfort more than any other things in the world. The videos that fall in this category usually have minimal videotime for the guy. Which guy will masturbate by looking at another male? None. Unlesss....

The female porn however, focuses on both parties. This is because in order for women to climax, they require emotional stimulation as well as physical ones. Thus, in the videos that fall in this category, both parties get satisfied or at least they pretend and there will be maximum contact. Don't ask me why. I'll get back on that ASAP. Or you can always take the easy route. Ask your local "cetak rompak dealer". I doubt he understands.

Now, the reason why people watch porno is... Three possibilities. One, they get no action at all and like to imagine themselves in the position of the dude. Two, they get action but not enough. Three, they're researching for new styles. Now that explains why you seldom get to see the dude's face right?

... to be continued