Please Do Not Moon Me

A Couple of Foolproof Methods to Meet Ghosts =D

2010-02-21T22:50:00.000-08:00

Method numero uno:- The “Kick a Dog in the Nuts” Method.

Kick a dog in the nuts till you see tears in the eyes. Take them tears and rub them in you own eyes. Not sure whether this method is reversible. Worth a try though.

Method number two:- The Black Chicken Method

~~Wank and rub your own semen on your eyes.~~

Pick a new grave, younger than a 100 days old. Prepare a black chicken, a bamboo. Go at midnight and slay the black chicken. Collect the blood of the blackass chicken and push the bamboo deep into the grave. Pour the blood into the bamboo and now, you can ask for 4D numbers from the soul. Well, unless he’s pissed off. Oh, the person buried must also die in an accident. This method will not work if the person die of natural causes.

Method Nombor Tiga :-The Bloody Mary

This method only applies for ladies. Have a glass of bloody mary and head towards the washroom. Prepare a pair of candles and a lighter. When inside the washroom, make sure the washroom is empty before attempting this. Light the candles and place them between you and the mirror. Call out for Bloody Mary three times while looking at the mirror. If this works, you’ll most probably die. Maybe saying the "Hail Mary" might help. I dunno, I'm a dude.

Method number four :- The Peeling an apple in front of the mirror Method

Myth has it that once you perform this, you will be able to see your future spouse. However, if the skin of the apple falls off while peeling, you will see the ugliest face you will ever see in your life. So I suggest you practice peeling them apples with a knife. The skin of the apple must be peeled at one go. So once you think you’re good enough, sit in front of a mirror, place a pair of lighted candles between you and the mirror. Start peeling. Once you finished peeling and the apple skin is in one piece, pray your future spouse is hot.

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There’s a few more methods lah. I abit malas to type today. Btw, all this, from my own knowledge. Kembang sioottt. That's all for now. Chiaooo

P.S: Do read the disclaimer on top of the blog.

The Crap That Hit Our Country

2010-01-13T07:06:00.000-08:00

Honestly, I dont get the shit that's hit us these few weeks.

First, a jet engine go missing.

Then, the Allah issue.

What. The. Fuck?

Is this Allah issue really that important that it overshadowed a missing RM50mil jet engine? Is it worth burning churches for? You guys are so sensitive Lah. You see Hindhus buzzing about you guys when you use their God's name? NO! They're too busy drinking. You see Buddhists fucking around when you use their God's name? No!

Why the fuck is this such a big issue in the first place? The media is such a bitch. Bet the military paid them to bring up another issue so that no one notices the Fuckface General and some of his ButtBuddies got asked to leave the service. Not only that, they got their pensions as well. WOW! I'd love to steal some jet engines too. Fuckers.

If I were to end this post with a bang and get arrested, I'll say Salam 1FuckingMalaysia.

But I don't want to get anally-probed. So, goodbye.

New Year's Day of '10

2010-01-02T23:29:00.000-08:00

Most people will normally start their year by setting a few "to-dos" for that year. Basically, it's things like, "study hard", "lose my virginity", "lose a couple of pounds", etc.

Here's mine.

1) Meet Eric Theodore Cartman.

2) Meet the one that killed Altantuya and fucking get a bear to sodomize that bitch.

3) Blow up a thrashcan.

4) Prank call the police at least once.

5) Get an average GPA score of 3.5 in college.

6) Slap the fuck out of Noorsiah, Kamariah for not using Botox

7) Let LOOSE!

I think right.. only the first two seemed so damn undoable. The rest is quite beyond reach. So, stay put. By 2011, you'll get to see the other 5 in the comfort of your own computers. =D

Maybe Jackass will see the videos and let me in. *fingers crossed*

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*This section is only for the jobless out there!*

Click your pick.

Jackass

Southpark

Porn

Repaint your wall fellas. *winks* LOL

To Show That I did MY homework.

2009-12-30T23:33:00.000-08:00

http://freemalaysiatoday.com/english/?p=5210

seemed like I'm not the only one huh?

Bout the Malaysia Boleh thing. I assure you I did not copy. I just read bout it TODAY. But that's what all bloggers claim right?

2009-12-25T00:55:00.000-08:00

I swore to myself that I WILL never post anything football-related. However, the recent Mark Hughes shit got me so pissed, I think I will touch football. A teeny weeny bit. Mark Hughes got sacked a few days back. Personally, I felt he had it coming. Why? Look at Everton. They spend minimal amount of money every season. Yet, they managed to stay fifth for two seasons now. Many managers got the shock of their lives when they heard. Honestly, what do you expect if you spend 120 million and just won 7 out of 17? The owners did not hire the best of candidates too. Roberto Mancini's 3 Italian Serie A titles came in charitable situations. The first came when AC Milan and Juventus got involved in the match-fixing scandal. The second one came after Juventus is relegated to the second division and Milan started the season with negative points.

You might argue that the third one was merited. But is the Italian Serie A as strong as before the scandal?

Okayyy. Let's just skip away from the boring world of football and into the interesting world of interconnected net. In short, the internet. =D I made it up. LOL

You know, I was soo soo bored I decided to go to Yahoo answers and guess what! I looked up cock and I found out that the "double barrel" Eddy showed me yesterday was actually real. Look it up. This guy really had TWO COCKS! Jealous sial. I didnt know siamese twins can turn out this way. Porn really is exploiting everything. In case you're curious, this is how it looked like.

Except it's down there. One on top of the other.

I wonder where the pubes gonna grow. What if it grew in between the two cocks? Itchy ah?

Hmmmm. The questions remain. Unless someone is willing to sponsor me to interview that idiot.

=DD Who would wanna fuck someone with two cocks without getting paid?

The Behaviours That ONLY Malaysians Can Exhibit. =D

2009-12-20T23:52:00.000-08:00

I tried not to give any comments that might. Just MIGHT land me in friggin ISA. But last night, I saw the news and can't stop saying, "Malaysia Boleh" to myself. Why? Let me enlighten you. A jet engine worth RM 50 million got stolen. A fucking big WOW! I understand lah if the engine small like the tamiya car liddat. Fucker. This one jet engine lah bro. Explain lah. We are taxpayers know. What puzzles me is, how can the engine go missing two years ago and investigations start this year. Why not wait a few more weeks? Genap genap 3 tahun mah. More flavour. Bloody hell. It went missing in 2007. 50million bucks weyh. You think DROP FROM SKY AH? Our parent's sweat and tears lah.

What to do? "MALAYSIA BOLEH" mah. Tell you what. If they jail someone, I will not stuff roti canai. EVER. Damn, don't think bout jail. The fella responsible should be sentenced to death. RM 50million lah bitch.

And exclusively in Malaysia, you get the chance to fuck a hot model. Then, when you got bored of her, we've got experienced bomber to assist you in "getting rid" of her. *whispers* "blow her up". Shusssh. Surely all of you know what am I talking bout right? This model I'm talking about was so hot, you get multiple boners just by looking at her. WITH CLOTHES ON! When she died, she was hot tooo. =D Best of all, YOU WILL NOT GET CAUGHT! HOWZAT?

ONLY IN MALAYSIA, we form a F1 team. Let someone who has no experience whatsoever in leading a line let alone lead the entire F1 team lead the team. Amazing huh?

Here I've collected the few reasons why this team will not be successful:

1) The driver will be Malaysian.

Why won't this work?

Everytime there's an accident, instead of speeding up the driver slows down. Why? WHY? If you ask me why, you surely never traveled on a Malaysian highway before. =D

2) The pit crew will be entirely made up of Malaysians.

Why won't this work?

Let's just say this. They already stole a JET ENGINE. Let them in the F1 pit, God knows what they'll steal.

3) There's only place for 2 drivers only.

Why won't this work?

Come on lah bradder. 1Malaysia mah. Chinese, Indian, Malay all must drive. If not, RACIAL DISCRIMINATION! LOL

4) The one that leads the team is friggin Airasia's director or some shit.

Why won't this work?

F1 car can't fly in case you didn't notice. =]

5) They're not even considering Alex Yoong.

Why this will backfire?

Alex Yoong is the one and only Malaysian who had experience in the F1 field. Not considering him is one suicidal move. If he taknak also, persuade kaw kaw lah. Malaysia Boleh mah.

Part two of the previous post will resume as soon as my book get home =]

Thank you for your cooperation..

Why People Watch Porno ( Part One )

2009-12-19T02:21:00.000-08:00

To most ladies, it has been a teenage-long mystery. I would like to start off my enlightening you about porno. Firstly, there's two general types of porno. To find out which type you should watch, there's a simple test. Simply reach into your pants or whatever it is you wear. Rub it. If it gets hard, you are eligible to watch the most common kind of porno; Porno for men. If it gets wet, well. You qualify to watch the female porno.

I will now elaborate on the male porno. The male porno as you can guess cater for male viewers. This type of porno usually do not focus on the guy. And if you're watching Japanese porno, you almost certainly will see the girl lying down and the guy cumming in her face. Trust the Japanese to patent their porn. This kind of video focuses on male pleasure ONLY as guys are selfish beings. We care for our own comfort more than any other things in the world. The videos that fall in this category usually have minimal videotime for the guy. Which guy will masturbate by looking at another male? None. Unlesss....

The female porn however, focuses on both parties. This is because in order for women to climax, they require emotional stimulation as well as physical ones. Thus, in the videos that fall in this category, both parties get satisfied or at least they pretend and there will be maximum contact. Don't ask me why. I'll get back on that ASAP. Or you can always take the easy route. Ask your local "cetak rompak dealer". I doubt he understands.

Now, the reason why people watch porno is... Three possibilities. One, they get no action at all and like to imagine themselves in the position of the dude. Two, they get action but not enough. Three, they're researching for new styles. Now that explains why you seldom get to see the dude's face right?

... to be continued

The Past Few Months.

2009-12-16T22:16:00.000-08:00

Hello Imaginary friend. Long time no see. =D

I'm so fuckin bored right now so I thought, " What the hell, just update your dusty blog."

So here I am, typing to you, my imaginary reader.

Okay whether you like it or not, Imma tell you what I did this last 3 months.

Here's a quick synopsis.

I started hating TNB

Someone redecorated the school

I went to Hong Kong

I missed Paeriaes's party

I'm half dead BORED

Let's start this post by talking bout dumbass TNB.

In case you don't have any clue bout what I'm talking bout, here's the link

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=hAHQGvFqcSE

I'm gonna put this guy's picture at my altar and start praying to him. Bloody hell, he should meet Jackass.

I'm sure they'll bond. Problem is, Namewee can't speak English. =[

Next stop, my beloved ex-school's form 3 block. =D

If you didn't know by now, some random stranger came over in the middle of SPM examination to conveniently redecorate the school. Btw, if you want this random stranger to errr, decorate your house, do not hesitate to email him. Here it is, patty_efc@hotmail.com

Here's some sample.

I'm sure I can do better than this idiot.

Email me instead. There, patty_efc@hotmail.com

Now, the Hong Kong-Shenzhen-Macau trip.

There's a few firsts here.

For the first time, I took more than 5 shits a day.

For the first time, I used TOILET paper to wipe my mouth. During breakfast! Efff

For the first time, I couldn't laugh at retards.

And now, I found another smelly country. CHINA!

Stupeed one. So many citizen, all don't know where to piss. Bastards.

Once we cross the border, can smell dried pee.

So, if any of you plan to visit China, PLEASE BRING LOTS AND LOTS OF DEODORANT. The smell might linger.

And and and, I saw CATFIGHT! One chinese chick, quite hot ran towards this uglay chinese chick. Wait, what am I talking? I'm in freaking China! Of course they're Chinese. So this chick ran to the uglay chick, started shouting something in Mandarin so quickly I thought she was speaking bangla. Someone had to pull the uglay chick away coz in my opinion, she wanted to sit on the hot chick.

Out of the blue, a freaking old lady walked into the middle of the fight and just stood there. STOOD THERE. Dumbass, the uglay chick heavy k. Move lah.

Imagine the contrast. Hong Kong, one of the cleanest place I've ever visited. The I went to China. The total opposite.

Damn lah. In Macau, we visited the Venetian hotel. Shit man. I think if Joan went ah, she'll go crazy. All the branded shits are there. Tengok pun boleh pokai lah.

Then then, Paeriaes decided to throw a party on Monday. I missed it. =[ Like shit lah. From all the pictures I saw, looked pretty awesome. But as Robert Langdon always say to his students, "Google is not research". You can't believe what you see. So I comforted myself my thinking they might, just might be posing those awesome shits.

And I wore the southpark shirt! =DDD

In case you're wondering, that's my bro's middle finger. XD

I would like to end this post by presenting you with the ancient saying:

"TNB LANCIAU!"

The 10 Most Gruesome Torture Methods Ever Invented.

2009-08-09T19:51:00.000-07:00

Torture: it is an ancient practice that still goes on today. In the middle ages torture was used for punishment, interrogation, and deterrence. It is easy to consider ourselves more humane these days, but while some of the devices listed here would lead to death, we have, in modern times, mastered the ability of inflicting extreme pain for indefinite periods of time – something which is, perhaps, worse.

Number 10! The Head Crusher

With the head placed under the upper cap and the chin placed above the bottom bar, the top screw of this awful device was slowly turned, compressing the skull tightly. First the teeth are destroyed, shattering and splintering into the jaw. Then the eyes are squeezed from the sockets – some versions had special receptacles to catch them. Lastly, the skull fractures and the contents of the head are forced out. In earlier stages, the torturer could keep the head firmly clamped and strike the metal skull cap periodically; each blow echoing pain throughout the victim’s body. Sooo cooolll.. *drools*

Number 9! The Cat's Paw

The Cat’s Paw (or Spanish Tickler) was oftentimes attached to a handle; in size and appearance it was an extension of the torturer’s hand. In this way it was used to rip and tear flesh away from the bone, from any part of the body. Imagine that thing going on your cock. OUCH!

Number 8! The Knee Splitter

A popular torture device during the Inquisition, the knee splitter does what it says: split victims’ knees and render them useless. Good for blackmailing sportsmen huh? Built from two spiked wood blocks, the knee splitter is placed on top of and behind the knee of its victims. Two large screws connecting the blocks are then turned, causing the two blocks to close towards each other and effectively destroy a victim’s knee. This device could also be used to inflict damage on other parts of the body such as the arms.

Number 7! The Scavenger's Daughter

The Scavenger’s Daughter was invented as an instrument of torture in the reign of Henry VIII by Sir William Skevington (also known as William Skeffington), Lieutenant of the Tower of London. It was an A-frame shaped metal rack to which the head was strapped to the top point of the A, the hands at the mid-point and the legs at the lower spread ends; swinging the head down and forcing the knees up in a sitting position so compressed the body as to force the blood from the nose and ears. The Scavenger’s Daughter was conceived as the perfect complement to the Duke of Exeter’s Daughter (the rack) because it worked the opposite principle to the rack by compressing the body rather than stretching it.

Number 6! Judas Chair

This procedure has remained essentially unchanged from the Middle Ages until today. The victim is hoisted up and lowered onto the point of the pyramid in such a way that his weight rests on the point positioned in the anus, in the vagina, under the scrotum or under the coccyx (the last two or three vertebrae). I bet them homos love it. The executioner, according to the pleasure of the interrogators, can vary the pressure from zero to that of total body weight. The victim can be rocked, or made to fall repeatedly onto the point. The Judas cradle was thus called also in Italian (culla di Giuda) and German (Judaswiege), but in French it was known as la veille, “the wake” or “nightwatch”. Nowadays this method enjoys the favour of not a few governments in Latin America and elsewhere, with and without improvements like electrified waist rings and pyramid points. Similar to the Judas Chair – but probably worse, is the Spanish Donkey:

Number 5! The Spanish Donkey

The Spanish Donkey was a device which consisted of a main board cut with a wedge at the top fastened to two cross-beams. The naked victim was placed astride the main board as if riding a donkey, and various numbers of weights were attached to his or her feet. The agony could be ‘fine-tuned’ by using lighter or heavier weights. Sources relate that on occasion, the wedge would slice entirely through the victim as a result of the immense weight attached to his or her feet. I wouldn't wanna be caught being a traitor. Nono.

Number 4! The Choke Pear

These instruments were used in oral and rectal formats (why is the medieval so gay?), and in the larger vaginal one. They are forced into the mouth, rectum or vagina of the victim and there expanded by force of the screw to the maximum aperture of the segments. The inside of the cavity in question is irremediably mutilated, nearly always fatally so. The pointed prongs at the end of the segments serve better to rip into the throat, the intestines or the cervix. The oral pear was often inflicted on heretical preachers, but also on lay persons guilty of unorthodox tendencies; the rectal pear awaited passive male homosexuals, and the vaginal one women guilty of sexual union with Satan or his familiars. Pictured above is a version of the choke pear called the “Pear of Anguish”.

Number 3! The Lead Sprinkler

The lead sprinkler was essentially a ladle on the end of a handle. The top half of the sphere could be removed and the lower half was filled with molten metal, boiling oil, boiling water, pitch or tar. The perforated top half was then re-attached. Shaking or flicking the sprinkler towards the victim showered him or her with the boiling contents of the ladle. The victim had, of course, been pinioned in advance.

Number 2! The BREAST (woohoo!) Ripper

This item was used both as a punitive and an interrogational device. Punitively, it was used red-hot to mark the breast of unmarried mothers. In an inquisitory nature it was used on condemned women – convicted of heresy, blasphemy, adultery, self-induced abortion, erotic white magic and any other crime that the inquisitors selected. The claws were used, either cold or heated, on a female’s exposed breasts – rendering them into bloody pulps. A variation was called the Spider. This consisted of clawed bars which protruded from the wall. A woman was pulled alongside the bars until her breasts were torn away. SHIT! Why would they do that to boobies? Shit them medieval torturers.

And... (Drumrolls)

Number ONE! The Crocodile Shears

The crocodile shears was an instrument of torture used in late medieval Europe and typically reserved for regicides – those who attempted (and, perhaps, succeeded) to assassinate the king. The shears were made of iron and were based upon the concept of pincers, but—instead of standard jaws or blades, crocodile shears ended in a pair of hemicylindrical blades that, when closed together, formed a long, narrow tube. The insides of the blades were generously lined with teeth or spikes. After being heated red-hot, the crocodile shears were applied to the erect penis, which—once exposed to sufficient tension—was torn from the prisoner’s body; or at the very least leading to severe arterial bleeding. MOTHERFUCK! Homos should be subjected to this. Not the assasinators of kings.

Okayy.. Don't get any ideas from this post. It's for entertainment purposes only. And knowledge as well. But after this... I'm no more going to read this post. Its soooo disgusting. :(((

School.

2009-07-30T19:28:00.000-07:00

Yesterday, after physics. I was shocked to find that the National Physics Quiz is about to go on immediately. I was even more shocked when I was told that I friggin paid 10 fucking bucks for the quiz! Shitty right? Worst of all, when I looked at the paper. I didn't even think it's for us form 5 students. They gave us SEVENTY questions. I think people like this will find it orgasmic.

And out of the SEVENTY, I think I only managed around.... sayy TEN? And most of the TEN, I stole. STOLE! Poor shit. If you let the guy above know that I only did TEN, he'll blast me out of earth and into bleeding mars and have nothing to hump but welll... Humps. Sigh.. That will be sooo saddening. :(

Speaking of Physics, I suspect my Physics teacher is an impersonator of a certain Borat.
Wanna know how he look like?
Here...

Yeah. Cool huh? And instead of think Kazakhstani accent, my teacher decided that having THICK INDIAN ESTATE-ISH slang would be much much cooler. Problem is, no one. NO ONE understands him. But, being lovely students, we pretended like we understand which results in, you might. MIGHT. Have guessed. We, as in all of us. FAILED miserably. :((((

I think the Government should filter those wannabe teachers. You know, to avoid us Students being pranked by stupid Borat wannabe fucker. No fun laahhhh. Bro.
Unless we're the one pranking of course. :)

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I noticed most notable blogs are writing bout relationships nowadays. You wanna know what I think?
THAT is HOMOSEXUAL.. :)
I won't freaking go back till they talked bout something else.
Stop pollution!

Speaking of pollution, if it's not stopped soon, we'll have to sit on dead brown grass when going on picnic next time. And instead of kissing in the rain, we'll have to kiss in ACID rain. Watch your lips dissolve. Worst of all, you have to take a dip in not the beautiful blue lake. But the beautiful BLACK lake. Not a pretty sight eh? Go Recycle!

Cheers...

A Multiracial Band

2009-07-25T01:41:00.000-07:00

If I were to fucking put a band together and that band must be multiracial...
I'd have a Chinese as drummer.
Why?
A Chinese will always shake his legs when he sits down. Good for smacking them bases. And most Chinese love to take these pills. They make you shake your head. Good for the band cause the drummer's fucking enthusiastic.

The guitarist will be a Malay woman. Why?
Have you seen traditional Malay dances?
They use wrist alot!
They can bang them notes friggin quickly.

Well... that leaves the Indian guy.
Hmmmm..
I think Indian should be a precautionist.
Why?
You give him a "parang" and call him "keling".
The crowd will certainly be entertained.

That leaves the lead vocalist.
That is yet to be decided. :)

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And the countdown to the gayest sport continues..
Today, its....

Walking!

Why?
Can you imagine hundreds, maybe thousands of people of the same sex. Walking together. Worse part is, everyone but the first placed guy have to watch another man's ass. Shaking. If that's not gay enough, all participants must wear tights.
Is that gay now??

Some Things Should Never Be Taken Seriously

2009-07-15T04:58:00.000-07:00

A few days ago, I watched a movie. Nothing's special bout that. What's special bout this movie is something one of the character said in the movie. This character is supposed to be this wise old lady giving everyone else in the movie advice. Of all the advice she gave, only one got stuck in my head. She told a man in the movie that God gave humans two ears and one mouth so that they listen twice as much as they talk. So, this woman proved that she knows her ratio. Big deal... I can make my own fancy line too. God placed human's ass and mouth at opposite ends of the body so that they don't talk shit. Yet, shit still gets blurted out. I think God must have miscalculated. Must introduce him to the old lady up there. Maybe she can be the she-God. Or maybe God's a woman. Why? Because God gave woman the rights to choose. Most of them anyway. That reminds me of a quote from Russell Peters. He said, " I have a theory that the smaller your ding dong, the more you hump ...... If you don't believe me, look at the two largest population on Earth." I believe you, Russell.

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( This story is completely made up. All activities or description wirtten down here is completely FICTIONAL.)
[ It may sound biased, I assure you, it is what it sounds like. It's a story anyway. Enjoy this fictional story.]
{ It's not true, this story. Don't confront me!}

A girl, whose name is, hmmmmm.... Shoe, is totally fierce, egotistic, arrogant, improvident, money-minded, materialistic, bitchy ... ( You name it, she is it) Now,, the guy. The guy whose name is, let's say ... Gun. He, well ... let's just say he's too good for her okay? ( If I describe him too much, you'll think I cut my balls off already ) Gun, "loves" this girl. This elevated her feeling of "self-importance" ( If that's possible ) and made her think she's the wanted one. Yes, maybe the guy wants her. Problem is, this feeling the guy has towards Shoe is most probably a temporary rush of hormones. But she knows this guy breaks down emotionally very very quickly. Yet, she still plays with his feeling. Why? I don't know. As I said, it's totally fictional. It is totally made up for you, my reader(s). It is for entertainment purposes only. So, only for this once. Leave a comment. Tell me what you think.

...this story is to be continued another day
Watch out for it.
( By the way, Bruno's out now in cinemas. It's not out in Malaysia though. :( . Look on the bright side. We've got Harry Potter!!)

Biooology

2009-07-11T01:37:00.000-07:00

Early this year, after failing my biology most of the time, I decided to attend tuition.
Little did I know that I will be showered by the nerdy version of reproduction.
Well, all I know bout reproduction before this is:

You reach puberty.
You go hunting.
You hunted.
You bang each other.
She moan, he groan.
She gets bigger, he gets frustrated.
He cheats on her.
Baby get aborted.

Yesterday, I learned bout the various stages our little "joyjuice" have to go through before jizzing out into her mouth. :)
Then, the class got enlightened bout how mama eggs evolve.
I assure you, its not that interesting if compared to the moment you hear the name of the topic.
So.... Potong steam. :(((

I wonder how you do it after knowing all that.
Oh, a nerd will be delighted.
Halfway through, he'll be saying stuffs like, " Oh my spermatids are going through the last process!" and before you know it, he shows you the stupid fucked up look on his face. He jizzed too early.
Then, you started spreading rumours bout how he ejaculated prematurely and most likely, the next banging he gets comes with a bill.

You may wonder why I hate nerds so much.
I ask you this, who doesn't?
How long does it take for a nerd to stop using the net?
5 seconds after he got his connection.
Why?
Because there are errors everywhere and nerds live in this "perfect little world" where Quantum Physics is the easiest thing they ever did.
WoWW!

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On a different note, I noticed that Facebook is getting from lame to lamest nowadays.
Why?
Because quizes like "Are you hot? Pretty? or cute?" or "How big is your dick?" start surfacing.
If you ask me, how is that lame?
Please, leave this page.
Its sooo easy. Click that small little "x" on the top right of this window.
In case you don't know whats a window, its this box where you surf the net.
Geddit?

(Please download Southpark-Michael Jackson as a gesture of respect towards his untimely death )

The Memorial.

2009-07-07T20:35:00.000-07:00

He may have stuffed his dick into some boy's ass.
We don't know that for sure.
All we know for sure is, he, Michael J. Jackson, was and always will be a great entertainer.
I admit that I'm greatly influenced by the memorial I stayed up for.
But, to be honest. The memorial was a modest send off for the King of Pop who entertained, thrilled and healed..

As I said, the memorial was a modest one. To him.
Known names like, Queen Latifah, Smokey, Kobe Bryant, Usher, Mariah Carey, etc etc.. paid MJ a final respect.
The respect he truly deserves for all that he has done to the world.
The respect that has been too long overdue.
Michael Joseph Jackson has left us forever..
That is only possible if the thrill we experience when we listen to hits like "Billie Jean", "Beat It", "Heal the World", "Black Or White", etc etc is no longer there.
His legacy lives on with every single one of us who were thrilled, healed and most importantly entertained by him.

There may not be pictures in this post.
But picture this, billions of people stayed up, skipped work, skipped school, paused for that few hours, just to watch the memorial.
I daresay that if someone else, someone who got to the heights he reached, died, the memorial will not be as grand.
Why?
Because unlike most celebrities, MJ is a humanitarian.
Thus, he will be remembered as the one who healed the world and he made it a better place.

For those who missed the memorial, I will now give you a synopsis of what happened whether you like it or not.

Firstly, I would like to comment on those who performed.

Mariah Carey, Stevie Wonder, Usher and some unidentified artists performed almost flawlessly in the memorial.
Making it unforgettable.

To make it even more awesome, his brothers wore one sided gloves during the service.
It is a known habit of MJ to wear a pair of glove before the show and end it with one side thrown to the crowd.
Honestly, I still couldn't get why Queen Latifah kept smiling for..
She looked sooo happy.
You'd think its a marriage instead.
I had no idea who gave their speech. But I took down some part of their speech which I found catchy..

Here's some of it.

"He loved everything in everybody, especially his fans"
"I think hes simply the best entertainer that ever lived"
"It was Michael Jackson that brought blacks and whites, asians, together. It was Michael Jackson"
"Everytime you knock him down, he climbs back up"
"It was nothing strange with your dad, it was strange what he had to deal with"
"The best in music was so modest"

Thats that.Sooo...Moving on.
Smokey Robinson looked as though he overdosed in Botox.
His face looked so stretched.You may think he's not Smokey at that time.
Kobe Bryant looked ever so awkward while another guest gave his speech.
Kobe just stood there, never opened his mouth and looked like someone shoved a shotgun up his ass and made him go to the memorial.
Tell you what Kobe, don't go if you don't want to.
Give the invitation to someone who actually know who Michael Jackson is.
And the compilation video that they put on the big screen is absolutely awesome.
Let me quote a famous comedian. "Mindblasting! Oh, you mean mindblowing? NO! Anything blows your mind. This blasted my mind. MINDBLASTING!"-Russell Peters.

His daughter, Paris, gave a tearful farewell to MJ which ends the service.
Overall, its the most high profile memorial in human history.
And this guy didn't kill anyone.
Don't you act clever and tell me Hitler got more mourners.
No!
MJ did not have a square moustache.
Hitler had THAT advantage over MJ.
Its not a fair competition anyway.
MJ saves life, Hitler takes life.

With this, I end my Second Serious Post.
Hopefully no other celebrity dies in the following few weeks.
Its tiring to write a post bout them.
And I would like to apologize to Farrah Fawcett.
I didn't have time to write bout you.
My deepest condolences to both MJ and Farrah.
Cheers

(I assure you, I'M NOT GAY!)

New Way to get HIGH!

2009-07-07T00:40:00.000-07:00

I received a mail recently and decided to share this new method to get drunk.
Its becoming a habit for all students in my school to coat their palms with liquid sanitizer recently.
Then, this mail came by.

Here you go....

Warning for all parents/grandparents, a friend sent this to me and I thought it was important enough to send on.....
we all know someone with children -

Yesterday, my youngest daughter, Halle who is just 4 years old, was rushed to the ER by her father for being severely lethargic and incoherent in her classroom.He was called to her school by the school secretary who said that she was 'VERY VERY SICK ' !

He told me that when he arrived at her classroom, Halle was barely sitting in the chair. She couldn't hold her own head up and when he looked into her eyes, she couldn't focus them.

He immediately scooped her up and rushed her to the closest ER, and then called me. When he got there, they ran blood test after blood test and did x-rays,every test imaginable. Her white blood cell count was normal, nothing was out of the ordinary. When I arrived at the ER, the doctor there told us that he had done everything that he could do so he was transferring her to Saint Francis
Hospital for further tests.

Right as we were leaving in the ambulance, her teacher arrived at the ER and told us that after questioning Halle's classmates, she had found out that our little girl had licked liquid hand sanitizer off of her hands !!

Hand sanitizer, of all things. But it makes sense. These days they have all kinds of different scents and flavours and when you have a curious child, they are going to put all kinds of things into their mouths.

When we arrived at the Saint Francis' Hospital ER, we told the ER Doctor there to check her blood alcohol level, and yes we did get weird looks, but they did it.

The results showed her blood alcohol level was 85% - six hours after we first took her. There's no telling what it would have been if we would have requested it at the first ER.

Since then, her school and a few surrounding schools have taken the liquid hand sanitizers out of all the lower grade classes, but what's to stop middle and high schoolers from ingesting this stuff?

After doing research on the Internet, we found out that it only takes about 3 squirts of the stuff ingested to be fatal to a toddler.

For her blood alcohol level to be so high, it would be like someone her size drinking 120 proof liquor. So PLEASE PLEASE don't disregard this because we don't ever want another family to go through what ours has gone through.

I won't be coating them on my palms anymore.
I'll be LICKING em'. :)
Astonishing huh?
Now, teenagers can save money coz they don't need to buy beers for their parties anymore.
Just ask your guest, who wants to get drunk, to lick the hand sanitizer.
Its much cheaper too!!!
Lets give it a try eh?
Tell Towelie he can get high! The cheaper way.
For those who doesn't know who Towelie is, please watch Southpark-Towelie.
Thank you.
:)

My First. Serious Post

2009-07-05T18:46:00.000-07:00

I got this mail and thought why not just post it in my blog so that everyone will be enlightened?
This is my first serious post. Enjoy.
I did not make any changes to the original text. So, whatever you read is not written by me at all.

Here goes....

I salute my former colleague Syed Imran....

I got this from a friend and decided to resend it as it explains in
great detail what a Malayu really is. It is time we stopped those who
corrupt the original meaning in order to use it to divide Malaysian.

Mahathir should know this since he registered himself as an Indian in
Singapore where he studied medicine. Inside him, he knows the real
reason why he now considers himself a Malay and refuses to acknowledge
his Indian roots. There are opportunists everywhere and UMNO has
become the platform for them to satisfy their greed. It will also be
the platform on which they destroy themselves.

The Deputy PM expressed disappointment with the Chinese for not voting
UMNO but when you look back at recent history, did he thank the
Chinese for their role in getting independence for Malaya? The
Chinese, Indians and Malays were supposed to be equal partners as a
condition for obtaining Merdeka. Then, the Malays asked for 25 years
of "Special Privileges" so that they could catch up with the other
races. Along the way, they changed the Constitution and it is now an
unquestionable "Malay Right" for perpetuity. Look at your genuine
history books (not the ones they distorted) to see if I am telling the
truth. Or go to the newspaper archives in the Straits Times and in
London to get to the truth.

Because of this, the UMNOputras own the banks, the plantations,
petroleum. The Malays are encouraged to start and own their businesses
entirely on their own (100%). The non-Malays start their own
businesses but when they get big, 30% must be given to bumiputras. Who
are these bumiputras? They are selected UMNOputras ( not ordinary
Malays) - those who use politics to get what is not rightfully
theirs. They use the law to rob others of their wealth. Yet, they will
not give a single share to the ordinary Malays in the streets - it is
all theirs to keep. They will not do what they ask the non-Malays to
do - sharing their wealth.

Not only that, they rob the ordinary Malays daily with the Water
Concessions, the Tolls, etc.

CH

Melayu By a Malay-Syed Imran

You may have already read this article I published more than a year
ago, below this is another article written by a "Malay" who I salute,
that reinforces what I have said.

I'd like to challenge your article on the origins of the word Melayu.

(I hope you will not be emotional about this email and create an
issue about it, but rather treat this as an intellectual argument
between two matured individuals. I have presented facts here for you
to review, and if you disagree please substantiate it. Since you have
come out with a blog to attempt to tell us the origins of the word
Melayu, and as a Malay, if you are really and truly keen in your own
heritage and roots, I am writing to you with the facts of the origins
of the word Melayu, in fact there are many scholars of yesteryear's,
Malays, who will tell you that the only original words in the Malay
language are "Tanah" and "Melayu")

Melayu is derived from the Javanese word Melayu, there are many other
words in the Malay vocabulary that actually come from the various
Asian languages mostly those of Sanskrit Origin.

The Sanskrit in Malay is derived from the Indian influence of the
Majapahit, Srivijaya and other Indian influences in South East Asia.
This particular word in Bahasa Malaysia is derived from the word
Melayu from Javanese. Javanese was the lingua franca of the people in
the region having had its own script, which was actually taken from
the Arabic script, the bugis and the rest have dialects close to
Javanese.

The Malay language in its romanised context only evolved in the early
part of the 20th century.

In Javanese the word Melayu means running away, or a runaway, that is
why if you go to Java and ask a Javanese if he is Melayu he will feel
very insulted. The word Melayu found on the statue as claimed in your
URL; http://www.sabrizain.org/malaya/malays4.htm thus denotes that
this person was a Melayu, a "Runaway."

These people, the runaways whether in Sumatra or in the Malay
Peninsula referred to themselves as orang Melayu, it is therefore no
coincidence that the word orang is placed before Melayu, people who
ran away so to speak.

In the Malay Peninsular, it was gradually accepted as the word to
describe the Javanese, the Bugis, the Menang, the Achinese etc. and
even the Kelantanese who are actually Yunanese and have their origins
in China, because they recognized the fact that at the end of the day
they were all Melayu, or Run Aways from their respective homelands the
word was accepted by all these communities to describe themselves.

In fact, before the formation of the United Malays National
Organisation (UMNO), it is a fact that all the people in the country
had referred to themselves as Menang, Achinese, Bugis, Javanese etc.
etc. and we all know that the Kelantanese used to treat the other
Melayu, that is the Menang, Javanese, the Bugis etc. as foreigners.

Well for that matter, even Mahathir Mohammed was registered as Indian
in King Edwards College where he studied medicine.

The Malay therefore very much like the Indians, and later the Chinese
are Melayu in the very true sense of the word because they all left
their respective countries to come to this location in South East Asia
called Malaysia today.

The real natives of the country are the Orang Laut, the Jakun, the
Kadazaan, the Iban, the Senoi and the rest, and not the so called
Orang Melayu, because these people are actually Javanese, Achinese,
Bugis, people from the Mollucas islands, and other parts of
neighbouring Indonesia, including those from Cambodia and even China
(Yunanese). That explains the word Melayu in various parts of Sumatra
too.

The Javanese people in particular were referred to as Java Kontra a
term they despised and today in Sumatra they are referred to as Orang
Transmigrasi which is more acceptable to the Javanese in Indonesia
then the term Melayu.

For Malay citizenship and for permanent residence reasons, the Orang
Java, be they Sundanese, Orang Java Barat, Orang Java Tengah or Orang
Java Timor, or any other Indonesian for that matter recognises the
fact that the day he becomes a Malaysian citizen, he is now an Orang
Melayu that is a new word coined by Malaysians of these origins to
legitimise their Bumiputraism.

And to become Bumiputra this way, that is by becoming a Melayu, he has
to profess the Islamic faith. This privilege is not extended to
Dayaks, from Kalimantan, or Christian Filipinos, or for that matter
Christians from among the peoples of Sumatra, Java or any other
Indonesian Islands.

The irony of all this is the fact that if you look at the real Orang
Asli of Malaysia as a whole you'll find out that the majority of them
are not from the Islamic faith, and that is one of the reasons why in
Sabah the registration department of the Federal Government
legitimised and gave citizenship and permanent residence status to
hundreds and thousands of illegal Fillipina immigrants from the
Southern part of the Philippines.

I therefore disagree with your attempt to legitimize the term Orang
Melayu as a race, it is not and never will be. The so-called Melayu
must own up to their own heritage the way the Chinese and Indians in
Malaysia proudly do.

And if we are to use this word called Melayu, it should be a term used
to refer to all Malaysians except the ethnic Malaysians who are orang
Asli.

The term Bumiputera was coined and the Malay placed in that category
to legitimize the fact that he is ethnic when he is not.

It is a shame, and in fact a disgrace that they are the only group of
people who by this very act, show the world that they are ashamed of
their own heritage.

And who else can be so? Only those who run away or are banished from
their own lands, for it is only such people who are ashamed of their
own heritage.

Even the customs, the traditions, the dressings, the architecture etc.
point to the fact that the so called Orang Melayu of Peninsular
Malaysia are actually not one and the same people.

Scroll below and read the next article by Syed Imran a Melayu and an
ex Bernama Journalist from Penang

Some time ago I wrote about the Melayu and the origins of the name
Melayu, which means runaway.
Today another "Melayu has written" totally unconnected this man, yes
he is a man he stands up for the truth has written a similar article.
I am sending both these articles to you for your reading and circulation

All immigrants

Syed Imran, an Arab-Malaysian born in Penang, Malaysia, an ex-Bernama
journalist (1971-1998) and former press secretary to the Minister in
PM's Department, posted a great blog days ago, which was translated
into English.

Please circulate it and let all Malaysians understand the facts.

*Antara pendatang dan penumpang (English Translation) *

To begin with, I was quite reluctant to comment on the mess created by
the statement made by Ahmad bin Ismail, the head of the Bukit Bendera,
Pulau Pinang UMNO Division.. Whether he made the statement in
reference to Chinese Malaysians is no longer the question, as the
issue has spread and has been hotly debated.

If it is not handled carefully and smartly, this issue could make
clear water murky, giving opportunity to parties who are keen on
seeing this country crash, not to mention falling into the hands of
foreigners. In today's borderless world, international electronic
media coverage makes it difficult for any country to hide or deny any
given event.

The main issue brought up by Ahmad Ismail revolves around the question
of "squatters", that is, that Chinese Malaysians are squatters in this
country. He explained that he was referring to pre-independence days.
However, it had hurt the sensitivity of the Chinese Malaysian
community.

I don't know Ahmad Ismail personally, but I was quite close to his
late elder brother, Abdul Rahim Ismail, the owner of Rahim
Construction Company that was once famous as an "Earth-Prince"
(Bumiputra) construction firm in Pulau Pinang. I don't know what has
happened to the company after Abdul Rahim passed away.

Personally, I don't agree with what Ahmad Ismail said for the following reasons.

To me, nearly 90 percent of Malaysians, especially those in the
Peninsula, are immigrants, and all of us are actually squatters in the
land of Allah anyways. We are anything but permanent owners, we are
merely squatters.

For example, I come from a family that squatted in this blessed land.
My paternal grandfather and grandmother migrated from Mecca and
Brunei, while my maternal grandmother came from Hadramut, Yaman. We
are immigrants and squatters, as are almost everyone else in this
country.

As for Ahmad Ismail, he is also an immigrant having descended from an
immigrant's family who squatted in this country. Ahmad Ismail cannot
deny the fact that his grandfather and grandmother moved from India to
this country in search of a better life in this blessed land.

It is also the case with Prime Minister Abdullah Ahmad Badawi whose
maternal grandfather hailed from Guangdong in southern China. In
short, Pak Lah's grandfather, Allahyarhamah Kailan, whose name was
Hasson Salleh or Hah Su Chiang, was an immigrant. He moved to Tanah
Melayu from Guangdong in the mid-19th century. He stayed in Bayan
Lepas as a rubber estate worker, a padi farmer and later became a
diamond trader.

Najib Tun Razak, Deputy Prime Minister, is also a descendant of an
immigrant Bugis family that came from Sulawesi, Indonesia. Hishammudin
Hussein cannot escape the fact that there is Turkish blood running
through his veins.

The Malacca Malay Sultanate was founded by an immigrant coming from
Sumatra -- Parameswara, a prince who practised Hinduism.

A reading of the history of Malay Sultanates would reveal that some of
them were founded by Bugis immigrants, while others were of Hadramut
and Minangkabau parentage.

Almost all Malays living in this country are from outside Tanah
Melayu, but are defined as "Malay Race" by the Federal Constitution.
We are "Malay" in definition by the Constitution, that is, we are
Muslims; we practise Malay customs and speak the Malay language.
Unfortunately, the Malay language itself seems> to have been killed by
the Malays in UMNO when they named it the Malaysian language (Bahasa
Malaysia).

Therefore, Arabs like Syed Hamid Albar and myself, Achehs like Sanusi
Junid, Indians like Kader Sheikh Fadzir and Nor Mohamed Yakcop,
Bugises like Najib, Minangs like Rais Yatim, Jawas like Mohamad
Rahmat, and others from Madura, Pulau Buyan, Siam, Myanmar, Yunnan
(China) and the Philippines are conveniently categorized as Malays.

They are accepted as Malays regardless of whether they speak Malay or
otherwise at home like those of us who speak Arabic, the Jawas that
speak Jawa, the Minangs that speak Minang, or the Mamak that speak
Tamil..

These languages are anything but Malay if we look at it from the
perspective of the Federal Constitution, so they should never have
been declared Malays. But for the sake of political correctness, all
of them are accepted as Malays and "Earth Princes" (bumiputra).

It is grossly unfair to point to the Chinese as immigrants when the
Arabs, Indians, Achehs, Minangs, Bataks, Mandailings, Jawas, Maduras,
and Bugises are immigrants no less in this country. We cannot deny the
fact that most of the Chinese's grandfathers and

grandmothers migrated to this country in the days of the Malacca Malay
Sultanante, some of whom did so during the period of Kedah Sultanate,
Terengganu Sultanate and Kelantan Sultanate respectively. After
Francis Light wrested Penang from the hands of the sultan of Kedah in
1786, more Chinese had arrived here.

We are all immigrants squatting in this country. Only the Negrito,
Jekun, Semang, Jahut, Orang Laut, Orang Darat, Senoi, and other
indigenous people groups (like the Kadazandusuns, ibans and bidayuhs)
can be correctly considered the original inhabitants of this country.

We must never forget the contributions and sacrifices made by all the
races in building our nation in all its aspects, including the
economy, social structure, national defense and, most importantly,
national unity. We are all taxpayers whether or not we are descended
from immigrants or squatters.

Homosexuality is NOT a GIFT. Its a Joke

2009-06-27T05:38:00.000-07:00

Okay, we all know that Michael Jackson long to be a woman.

How can you not know that?
The long hair, the progesterone pills..
MAN!!
Now he's dead, it is my honour to leave him out of this post.
But after his death, I was browsing through a certain Kenny Sia, who incidentally is a well known blogger.
Best of all, he's from Malaysia.
There's something about him though that reminds me of the back alleys of shops at night.
He's a man, who loves to dress as a woman.
Nono!
I shit you not!
Its real!!!!

SEEE???
Am i lying now?

If you're reading this, Kenny, I assure you.
No one actually reads my blog.
Your reputation is still intact.
And I'm sorry for posting your "beautiful pictures" on my blog.
But d'you think you can escape after dressing in a lingerie?

Dude, take my advice.
Stop doing this or some American hippie will come and help you cut off your damn balls.
Then, you'll have to wear women lingerie. PERMANENTLY!
You will have to smooch guys too.
YEAH. Guys.

See?

You'll have to answer to these people too.

Seriously?
YES! seriously.

(I know he did it for fun. I couldn't resist and in case you think I did it because I'm a Kennysia.com hater. Think again. His blog is one of the two I linked)

A Tribute to the Bisexual Singer.

2009-06-27T00:04:00.001-07:00

As all of you may know this already.

Michael Joseph Jackson, passed away peacefully on the 25th of June 2009.
Yes, the gay paedophile died.

No, I'm not mocking his sexual preference.
I'm just saying that so that little boys will come out of their hidey hole and cause some HULLABALOO!
They can come out to play again.
This time, no man will rub his dick on your face.

To be honest, I enjoyed his dancing and singing for it will never be done more expertly by another.
But if there's something about him that befuddles me, its why he did the plastic surgery.
Let me show you how he looks before the surgery.

Which woman in the world will run away from him?
Not a single one.

This is how he looks after the surgery.

Tell me now.
Which woman will not run from him?
Without being paid to stay of course.

Exactly.

Now, every human makes mistakes right?
Not the ones he makes..
Who the hell will dangle his own child on the balcony like this huh?

Only ones who's seriously affected by down syndrome.
He may have revolutionised music.
But! Who would want a role model like this?
Aren't celebrities supposed to do some good things and show the world what they can do?

Puberty

2009-06-26T23:39:00.000-07:00

This is something me and my friends came up with after completing our exam papers and have too little things to do.
Hopefully, you, my readers, enjoy reading this.
There's many more to come.

Here goes...

Before it you are pretty honest,
After it, you grow a forest,
Before it you get excited at the florists,
After it you only want to see a clitoris.

Some get it early,
Some get it late,
Some end up slightly blurry
Others are already looking for a mate.

Some people have to wait,
You can't do anything coz its written in your fate.

Most guys get stronger,
And the lucky ones get longer,
Most girls get bustier,
The horny ones fuck harder!

What is the cause of the deadly curse?
The cause of birth control pills in her purse,
Why boys get from horny to worse?
And start racing to say " I fucked her first"!

What, you may ask just happened to me?
Did I hit my dick on a tree?
Is that why its length is times three?
No you idiot, its fucking puberty!

-Lep r'e corn

(I assure you, its not me)

Stupidity is Limitless, Lets Laugh at Stupid People!

2009-06-24T20:22:00.001-07:00

A few days ago, I received an email about an essay written somewhere in Pluto.
Want to know why?
You won't get what the writer was trying to say.
Maybe he's just mocking the examinations or something.
But whatever he wrote, just mocked himself.
So disappointing to know that someone has been abusing the language to do something so oxygen wasting.

Lets not keep you waiting.
Keep this in mind.
I am NOT related to this idiot.

I hope you can read it.
Enjoy.
If you can't, try clicking on the essay.
Cheers

Scandalous List!

2009-06-24T20:03:00.001-07:00

Comedy Central recently posted a list off 100 best comedians.
However, I would like to show you, my readers of how wrong is that list.
100. Gallagher
99. Janeane Garofalo
98. Louis C.K.
97. Sandra Bernhard
96. Joey Bishop
95. Andrew Dice Clay
94. David Alan Grier
93. George Wallace
92. Louie Anderson
91. Jim Breuer

90. Dana Carvey
89. Kevin James
88. Paula Poundstone
87. Brett Butler
86. Jay Mohr
85. David Cross
84. Drew Carey
83. Norm MacDonald
82. Howie Mandel
81. Dick Gregory

80. Bobby Slayton
79. Dom Irerra
78. Cedric The Entertainer
77. Paul Reiser
76. Robert Schimmel
75. Eddie Izzard
74. Paul Rodriguez
73. Elaine Boosler
72. Bernie Mac
71. Red Buttons

70. Wanda Sykes
69. Pat Cooper
68. Dave Attel
67. Kevin Pollack
66. Shelley Burman
65. Sinbad
64. Richard Belzer
63. Jackie Mason
62. Eddie Griffin
61. Bobcat Goldthwait

60. Jeff Foxworthy
59. Gilbert Gottfried
58. Larry Miller
57. Richard Jeni
56. Colin Quinn
55. Alan King
54. D.L. Hughley
53. David Brenner
52. Damon Wayans
51. Lewis Black

50. Denis Leary
49. Freddie Prinze
48. Tim Allen
47. Henny Youngman
46. Adam Sandler
45. Richard Lewis

44. Joan Rivers
43. Dave Chappelle
42. Flip Wilson
41. Jon Stewart

40. Mort Sahl
39. Billy Crystal
38. Bill Maher
37. Martin Lawrence
36. Jim Carrey
35. Phyllis Diller
34. Buddy Hackett
33. Andy Kaufman
32. Albert Brooks
31. George Burns

30. Garry Shandling
29. Milton Berle
28. Jack Benny
27. Jay Leno
26. Ray Romano
25. Bob Hope
24. Redd Foxx
23. Steven Wright
22. Robert Klein
21. Dennis Miller

20. Sam Kinison
19. Bill Hicks
18. Jonathan Winters
17. Don Rickles
16. Ellen Degeneres
15. David Letterman
14. Bob Newhart
13. Robin Williams
12. Jerry Seinfeld
11. Johnny Carson

10. Eddie Murphy
9. Roseanne Barr
8. Bill Cosby
7. Rodney Dangerfield
6. Steve Martin
5. Chris Rock
4. Woody Allen
3. Lenny Bruce
2. George Carlin
1. Richard Pryor

Now, is Eddie Murphy funnier than Adam Sandler?
No.
Is Woody Allen even funny at all?
NO.
Why is Ellen Degeneres even in the list?
You Comedy Central guys find it funny she can get a girlfriend?
And man, David Letterman?
HAHAHAHA
Is this list a joke by itself?
Where's Sacha Baron Cohen?
Or the comedian has to be at least 40 to qualify?
Where the fuck! is Russell Peters?
Any list of best comedians without him should not be considered legal.
Think about it.
People like Jim Carrey.
He makes you laugh like half the time.
Russell Peters?
You can never stop laughing.

ASSHOLES! :)

By the way, Adam Sandler is coming out with a new movie called "Funny Man".
Watch out for it.
The preview looks funny.
That's all from me today, I hope you enjoyed the post.
G-bye

The Beauty of Language

2009-06-22T20:10:00.001-07:00

Being able to communicate in multiple languages is one of the few plus points of being a Malaysian.
I noticed something hilarious yesterday when i was attending a History tuition.
The class was told that "sai" means leader in Arabic.
Well, let me enlighten you Arabic people.
"sai" means SHIT in the Hokkien dialect.
So, do some research before calling your leader names.
I'm sure he'll appreciate it.
Unless he himself gave himself the name.

If you look something like this, please don't bomb my house.
Have mercy.
I know you bombed the World Trade Center and all.
Bombing my house wouldn't make any difference to the world.

"saidina" means our leader in Arabic.
Well, "saininia" would mean a slap in your face if you said it to anyone who understands the Hokkien dialect.
SEEE??
God gave us language to make everything look nasty.
To some, punani may be a tropical fruit.
To others, it is a "tropical fruit".(If you get what I mean)

Anyway, this is a view of how terrorist should be treated.

And this is a video of how "punani" is a tropical fruit.

The Valueble MONEY

2009-06-21T03:49:00.000-07:00

Money money money...
No one can get enough of it nowadays.

A certain footballer in England (Michael Owen) who will play in the second division because he doesn't want to accept a 50k a week pay-as-you-play deal because its too little.
Why?
Cause he's a dickhead.
Sources claim that he aims to emulate his favourite player, Wagner Love to take up a part-time job as a pornstar.
But you have to know that Love have a exotic name.
Owen doesn't.
Love is black, he's not.(you get what i mean)

On a different note.
I recently received a mail about how men get their look.
Scientific theories nowadays keep getting wilder and wilder.
I will not keep you wondering about this theory anymore.
Here you go, ENJOY

WOW! Everyone's a dickhead now.
Michael, you're not alone.
(No insensitivity intended. If you are offended, I suggest you not to come back.)
(I would like to state that no dicks are injured during the taking of these pictures.)

Swine flu or A(H1N1)

2009-06-19T20:42:00.000-07:00

A few days back, I received an email from one of my msn contact.(The name is not mentioned to avoid YOU calling that poor fella names.)
Anyway, this email I mentioned contains some adult content.
So, children that have not attended secondary school.
FUCK OFF!
See?? I care about the sensitivity of my readers.
Okay. D'you want to see the picture now?

AGREEMENT NOT NECESSARY

If you are feeling turned on right now, please...
Leave my blog, go visit your local vet.
Ask him for injection to treat rabies.
You need it.

You see, stupidity knows no boundaries.
So, try to avoid the kind of people who sends you the kind of email as seen above.
Sick things people does these days are limitless.
While everyone is worrying bout swine flu, this joker decided to hire some prostitute, put her in a pig suit, ask her to pose while her panties are halfway down her thigh. The thing this guy does for a laugh is sick.

(No pigs were harmed during the making of this entry. No Udhayans were harmed too)

Are you a real nerd?

2009-06-18T06:14:00.000-07:00

A nerd is a common species of human normally found in places where there is not enough smoke to kill an ant

Most nerds display some common characteristics. If you display any of these characteristics, I suggest that you click the "x" button at the top right corner of this window.(Note: I'm using he, him, his as a universal term. I don't intend to hurt the feelings of anyone in particular. Just a whole bunch of nerds.)
Those characteristics are:
1) He wears a bigass specs.

2) He's got himself braces even though he has got perfectly straight teeth. Cause he claims that "it will ruin his image".3) He does not have enough space in his bag to breath.

4) He just left this page.

There are certain foolproof methods to get rid of nerds.
MOST of these methods work on MOST nerds.

1) You show him the universally loved finger.

2) You show him some part of your inner hair.

3) You say something wrong about a scientific fact ON PURPOSE. A nerd in nature cannot resist such mistake. Thus, the nerd will be repelled. You are now nerd free.

4) You just ask him to *%#% off! Most nerds cant stand these kind of vulgarity. And, most probably, next time he will start avoiding you.

5) You turn on a pornographic video in front of him. Most nerds are pornophobic, thus repelling the nerd.

6) Bring a companion of opposite sex to the nerd that you want to repel. Most nerds do not have the ability to communicate with a person of the opposite sex without suffering from high blood pressure.

Why is the nerd species dangerous for humans if they take over the world?

They aim to make everyone on earth to wear pants above the belly button.
They hate porn.
Borat will run out of business.
Comedy central will go bankrupt
American Pie will not be as funny
We must all wear covered clothes to the beach
There will be public libraries EVERYWHERE
Wearing a bigass specs will be made compulsory

See my dear reader?
If any of your relatives display any characteristics described above, I suggest you bring him to the best psychiatrist available and try to cure that poor thing.
Or else.....